Last night my sadness woke me up and I sobbed uncontrollably,
The world was sleeping so I turned to the Lord for conversation,
I feel like I'm getting my life together Lord, except for these holes.
The losses I have had, have left these holes in me,
and now my life keeps seeping out the holes.
I've tried filling the holes with all kinds of things,
Busyness, food, sympathy from others, but nothing works,
And the grief from memories past enveloped me again,
and I sit rocking myself, holding myself, trying to give comfort to my pain,
wanting to gain understanding, this pain sure hurts, Lord.
And then as early morning came, I heard him softly call my name,
With nail-scarred hands outstretched to me,
he said so very tenderly, "I have holes too,"
The world was sleeping so I turned to the Lord for conversation,
I feel like I'm getting my life together Lord, except for these holes.
The losses I have had, have left these holes in me,
and now my life keeps seeping out the holes.
I've tried filling the holes with all kinds of things,
Busyness, food, sympathy from others, but nothing works,
And the grief from memories past enveloped me again,
and I sit rocking myself, holding myself, trying to give comfort to my pain,
wanting to gain understanding, this pain sure hurts, Lord.
And then as early morning came, I heard him softly call my name,
With nail-scarred hands outstretched to me,
he said so very tenderly, "I have holes too,"
And then I knew, he understood, as no one could.
After having a good cry over it for a while, sometimes it just feels good to let it out. I feel her the most in those quiet times when I am reading a poem or letter. I am having one of those weeks where I just want her here.... these are the hardest times, the times when nothing seems to make it hurt less and the whole world is moving so fast around me.
While on the etsy site I also found a memorial handkerchief, it was hand embroidered. It had a picture of a bear looking up at a star, it was beautiful but I really want to make my own. I did some cross stitch as a kid with my mom and sister but I have never embroidered anything, hopefully I can pull it off. I will post pictures when I get there.
I have continued my emotional baking, I have widened my baking to include not only sweets though, I was afraid that our waistlines were going to suffer! I made coconut shrimp last night with a spicy orange marmalade dipping sauce. It was AWESOME!! G and I loved it, the kids didn't even want to try it but we took some to my mom and she gave her thumbs up so it was a win as far as I am concerned!
Well enough random thoughts for this evening, I have lots of Homeschool planning to do.....
Goodnight and God bless,
Meagan
Update.... Here is a picture of the handkerchief, it's not perfect but my girls were so proud to show it off at church the day after I finished so I guess it is a success!!
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