Monday, April 4, 2011

Getting ready for Angel Day.....

May 23rd is approaching fast and I am not ready. Not ready emotionally or physically. Everything I thought I wanted that day to be doesn't seem right now.

How do prepare to celebrate your daughters first year when she spent it in Heaven instead of in your arms?

I haven't blogged lately because I just can't deal with the pain. Everything has been so hard lately with George and Hazel has again gotten tucked deep in my heart. I feel like if she is there she is safe. I want to keep her safe, to keep myself safe from the pain.

George and I are having a hard time figuring this out, getting on the same page and doing what is best for our family. I know that the day will come and it will fall together but right now I am overwhelmed.

Just a few quotes I found tonight as I was looking through my favorite baby loss sites.

"Some say you are too painful to remember, I say you are too precious to forget!"

"Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my babies on my lap and tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them on your lap and tell them about me?"

"Loved with a love beyond telling,
Missed with a grief beyond all tears.


I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.

Uncomfortable shoes.
I hate my shoes.
Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.
Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.
Yet, I continue to wear them.
I get funny looks wearing these shoes.
They are looks of sympathy.
I can tell in other's eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not
They never talk about my shoes.
To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.
To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.
But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.
I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.
There are many pairs in this world.
Some women are like me and ache daily as they try to walk in them.
Some have learned how to walk in them so that they don't hurt quite so
Some have worn the shoes so long that days will go by before they think
about how much they hurt.
No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of these shoes I am a stronger woman.
These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.
They have made me who I am.
I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

-Author Unknown