A very special friend asked me how I was doing a few days ago. Not thinking anything I said "I'm good!". The friends responded "No, how are you really?". How am I really? I am good, I am ok.... I am the best I can be today. I always have this guilty feeling that I am not doing enough for the kids here with me, that I am not thinking of Hazel enough. That I am not 'doing' something in her memory. We talk about her all the time, and we always kiss her urn as we walk by in the morning and at night. But is that enough? I want to do more to honor her memory.
Honestly I don't want to have to honor a memory but I want to hold her, to play with her, to see her smile. I want her here with me. I want all of this nightmare to go away.....
Over the last 9 months my life has taken so many twists and turns that some days I feel like it's all spinning out of control. Then sometimes, when I slow down for a little while, I can feel God's hand at work. I am able to smile and believe that even if I don't know what it is, there is a plan. That if I have patience I will see the great gifts God has in store for me. If only I could remember to be patient more often......
I am blessed to have such supportive and lovingly friends and family who are always there for me, to help me see those blessings and remind me to slow down. I thank God every day for each of you! Thank you for being there to help me navigate every twist and turn, each heartache and JOY!
Loving you all,
Meagan
Please forgive me for rambling.... I will post again soon....
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